chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
