He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
