I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
