You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sext me about skeletons
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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