just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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