If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
