i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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