PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
