I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
