She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at about main and main street
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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