I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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