I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
