Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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