Fine. I'll sleep in my office
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
