Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
