I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
