ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
