At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
