Got a toothbrush?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
smell my finger.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
