Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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