my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
