I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
