The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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