We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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