I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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