is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
