also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize