did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
