i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
