She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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