this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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