fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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