you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
