Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
