Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
