just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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