all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
