Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
