Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
