No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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