The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
