I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
