If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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