Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
