Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
