my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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