I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
