Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
