My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
