wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
