Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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