He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
tequila makes me forget i have legs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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