What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I touched a dick in church today
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
