worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize