It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize