How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
