Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
