I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
