this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
