This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
