new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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