I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
