i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
