pedialite and red bull = repair kit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
