Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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