I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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